THE PERSON OF THE WEEK, #7: GREGOR HOLTZ
Gregor Holtz is 6’2”. I know Gregor Holtz because of my friend Allison Cardon, who I know because of my friend, Drew Swenhaugen, and other future The Person of the Weeks, that sort of thing. He moved up to Portland from Arizona, like half of my friends. Science fact: over 50% of my Portland friends have lived a significant amount of their coming-of-age years in Arizona. Gregor is one of those friends. Gregor has something against Archaeology. He just doesn’t think it jives with him. So, instead of being an archaeologist, Gregor is an illustrator and is currently studying to be a graphic designer at PSU. Recently, we’ve started collaborating on a graphic novel together. I’m writing it and he is illustrating it. It is called Mammother. It is going to be really good. It is about a man who may or may not be turning into a mammoth. It has a lot of sex in it, which Gregor is excited about drawing. We pretty much have the prologue done now, and we’re working on the first chapter. We’re in no rush, really, but we’ll work on it more now that Gregor successfully passed his portfolio review at school. He worked really hard on that, and all of his teachers are impressed by him, including my friend, his teacher, Kate Bingaman-Burt (another future The Person of the Week)(you’re going to have to be more patient). Gregor made his first dick joke at the age of four. He is now almost to 20,000 dick jokes for his whole life. Also, around that time, when he was a kid, neighborhood kids used to throw rotten fruit at him because they were jerks. If they are reading this now, they should probably write him an email and apologize. He read an entire fantasy novel almost every month when he was a teen. He knows everything there is to know about the Forgotten Realms. It is a D&D thing. Gregor just recently lost his virginity. By recently, I mean sometime in the last fifteen years. Speaking of having sex when you’re not alone, he is getting married to Jass Hunter this winter in Arizona. She is also from Arizona. I got invited, so no big deal. Gregor works at Movie Madness. We hang out a lot at Beulahland on Sunday nights together. Gregor has seen the most recent episode of Game of Thrones but refuses to spoil it for anybody so don’t ask. So, because of these reasons, especially because he passed his portfolio review this week, Gregor Holtz is this week’s The Lovely Arc’s The Person of the Week.
Please submit your suggestions for next week’s The Lovely Arc’s The Person of the Week to me via email.
My lovely friend Zach wrote a thing about me. It is very sweet.